New Year – New Focus   1 comment

What road do I take?

What road do I take?

 

These last few days I have been reflecting on 2012. Wow what a year it has been!

I discovered my leadership qualities and my spiritual side, I learned valuable lessons, I loved, I laughed, often! I stood up for what I believe in, I made mistakes, I lost my job, myself, I took responsibility, and most importantly, I connected with my family. I feel so blessed and fortunate that I got to spend some quality time with both of my sisters this year, as well as with my brother. You guys are awesome, truly remarkable young adults and I am grateful beyond words that you are in my life.

My focus for 2013 is to enjoy the ride! I want to get my new business off the ground, I want to read more, dance more, experience more, love more. My New Years Resolution is to live my life with Gratitude and Purpose, and I will need your support and guidance in case I get distracted. I will keep writing my blog for the remainder of 2013, and I will continue to live my life in happiness and in abundance.

And every time I lose my balance, I know what I need to do in order to regain it. I need to be still and listen. Just Be. Because if it’s one thing that I have learned in 2012, it is that I need to pay more attention to my intuition!!

Balance & Harmony   2 comments

These last few days I have felt as if an elephant has been sitting on my chest. A huge, heavy, stinking elephant. I have been waiting patiently for it to move, I have been observing it, reflecting on it, listening to it…

I noticed that for most of the time I just felt sad which was a real bummer over Christmas, especially after the exhilarating high I experienced the last time I posted a blog. I was on fire and then out of the blue I lost my Mojo, and felt more sad and disconnected than I have done in a long time.

Last night it decided to shift and I realised something. I realised that I have been battling internally with who I am, with different aspects of my personality, with acceptance, with me. And I dawned on me that I do not need to choose!

Let me explain. Recently a wise woman told me that I have a gift, the gift acceptance. What she meant is that I am able to accept people for who they are, warts and all. Acceptance comes from understanding and questioning my own judgements before I project them onto other people. You see, when I am accepting of what is, I am able to listen and be open to hear people’s stories, their experiences and their own unique ways of making sense of their world. And when somebody lets me in, I honour them by being present, by not having a conversation with myself in my head or simply waiting for my turn to speak.

For whatever reason I wasn’t being very accepting of myself. I was feeling like I had to choose between my “worldly side” and my “spiritual side”, because the general message that society gives us Women is that we are either the purer-than-white Saint, or the not-so-pure Prostitute. Just look at most Religious messages, Halloween Costumes, Disney Movies…  No middle ground, no compromise.

The war, the battle within me was between who I want to be, and the person people & society expect me to be. Because it seems to me that the price of truth, acceptance and authenticity is upsetting people, hurting them. And if there is something that doesn’t sit well with me, it’s hurting people that I care about.

What I am craving more than anything is Freedom. Freedom to be who I am, all of me. Not just the nice and pretty aspects that I usually share with people, but my shadow sides as well. I want to accept all of me, and accept that right now all I want is freedom in all areas of my life. To be me, warts and all!

No Peace without Freedom

No Peace without Freedom

The Human   Leave a comment

Balance

What Does It Mean to Be Human?

Posted 29/12/2012 by sylviawolfsoulfood in Images

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Courage   Leave a comment

I am so grateful to have so many strong, courageous women around me, being my example. My grandmothers, my mothers, my sisters, my two closest womenfriends (because calling you GIRLfriends just isn’t enough), my drumming family, my distant “new mothers”, my “mother to be”, my cousins, my “relatively new but I feel like I’ve known you all my life” women friends. You are all being my example, the ones that I take inspiration from. You are brave in the way that you all love, the way that you express yourselves, speak your truths and share your stories. I love who you are. It cannot be a coincidence that you are all dignified, courageous women, and I am so very grateful that you are in my life.

Don’t get  me wrong, the men in my life are just as strong and courageous, especially my grandfather, fathers, brother, my Latin friends, English friends.. it’s just that the women in my life are pretty special!

You see, you are all part of the reason that I am writing this blog. I feel connected when I connect with you. I also feel connected when I connect with others, and with you, the reader. I can share with you who am I, what I am learning whilst being the example (living the information that I learned at ISA), whilst setting up my new business (which is terrifying and mega exciting all at once!!) , exploring myself, my limits, my fears, my unedited, loving, connected self. My truth.

It’s so funny, when I’m talking to you, I feel inspired, like I have fire in my belly! I have found an outlet that inspires me, because these last few days (since the  last time I posted a blog – probably not coincidentally) I’ve felt so disconnected. I know that I have been processing and letting go of some deep hurts have been surfacing recently, because I’m going deeper at the same time as I’m expanding (literally, and physically!). I’m healing wounds that are helping me to become whole. 1.

Being whole and being connected are two themes that have been on my mind recently, I am noticing when I’m disconnecting, and when I’m in bliss, relaxed and at peace with the world and  myself. What I am seeing is that when I tell the truth, when I’m being completely honest, then I feel complete, whole. When there are things on my mind that I want to say and I keep them in, then I feel disconnected.

Since the 21st December I have noticed that I have spoken my truth with a steady voice, without resistance, without fear. I am different. I find myself being more open more truthful than ever, if my buddy says “there are no coincidences” then this can’t be a coincidence either. I am enjoying being present, mindful, in there here and now more often than I have ever felt, and I am worrying less. Worrying about things wastes my time, it deprives me of being happy, and I like to feel happy! To truly live my life, that means enjoying the exciting ride of the here and now, today, and doing something about the things that I am unhappy about, with Courage!

It’s hard to say Goodbye   Leave a comment

The Universe has such a great sense of humour! So, yesterday I’m writing about letting go, about feeling blissful because I am surrendering, letting go etc., and the Universe goes and throws a big one at me. Massive. And I’ve felt wobbly all day, disconnected, uneasy. It surprised me how quickly I lost my bliss, my peace, and I couldn’t get fully into my drumming or my dancing tonight, which made me so sad because I can usually rely on them both to lift me, relax me…

What happened is, somebody from my past contacted me, somebody I was not complete with. I felt a range of emotions when they contacted me, anger most of all. I was angry at things said, things unsaid, reactions, assumptions, history, blame, shame, and although I understood that it was my choice to react the way that I did, I felt helpless at the intensity of what I was feeling.

So I wrote down all the things I was angry about, and then I deleted them. That gave me the space I needed to write about all the things I loved about this person, all the things I was grateful for, the lessons I learned from them, and ultimately, what I wanted from them and from myself. I forgave myself for all my wrongs, and I forgave them for theirs, and now I am ready to move on.

I also did a guided visualisation tonight, imagining releasing them, letting them go with love.

Sometimes it’s hard to say Goodbye

Flying high!   Leave a comment

Up until yesterday, I’d never fully understood the idea of “Letting Go” and “Surrendering” to faith, to the Universe to what is. I’ve been a control freak for most of my life, and my motivation and ambition was always fuelled by my desire to have financial security. Just enough to get by and live comfortably. So that is what I attracted.

I also used to associate financial security with freedom, with social mobility, and ultimately with self-sufficiency and independence, which in my eyes was the dogs bollocks. And yet I kept feeling like I was missing something, a vital part of the puzzle which would help me make sense of it all. My purpose, the reason I was here.

Interesting how facing one of my biggest fears (getting fired from my job, the prospect of loosing my flat, my belongings, my perceived security) has brought me more freedom and joy than I have ever experienced. I am experiencing a deep and blissful sense of freedom because I know and I trust that I have everything that I need right here, right now. I want to live my life in abundant love, joy, connection, respect, trust and truth. So I will.

Thank you for coming with me

x

 

Journey   Leave a comment

Journey

I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way

Posted 19/12/2012 by sylviawolfsoulfood in Images

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